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Příběh obyčejného člověka

09.10.2010 | Sekce: Ostatní

Vyšlo v Dekontaminaci - 1/2008

 

Příběh je to obyčejný, přestože za normální se považovat nedá. Je smutný i veselý, tak jak ho psal sám život.

Moji rodiče byli velmi mladí, když jsem se narodila. Byla jsem malý, blonďatý andílek. Kdo by byl tenkrát řekl jak skončím a jak se celá moje cesta zklikatí.

 

Když mi bylo pět let narodil se mi bráška. Bohužel s lehkou mozkovou disfunkcí, opožděný oproti ostatním dětem. Rodiče se mu museli hodně věnovat. Péče o něj jim zabrala všechen jejich volný čas a já se začala utápět v žárlivosti kterou jsem si však v žádném případě nechtěla přiznat. Do školky jsem chodila jen jeden rok protože máma byla s bráchou doma a ve školce nebylo místo. Tak jsem začala chodit do školy. Z druhé třídy jsem udělala přijímací zkoušky na základní školu s rozšířenou výukou jazyků. Na tu jsem musela dojíždět. V létě jsem jezdila na tábory, na soustředění s gymnastikou na kterou jsem chodila od pěti let a dělala ji závodně. S tátou se jezdilo na vodu spolu s dalšíma pár lidma. Měli jsme tam takovou jakoby partu mladých. Když mi bylo jedenáct let, brali mě jako dospělou. Zajímali se o moje názory a taky je respektovali. Tam jsem začala ve větší míře konzumovat alkoholické nápoje, kouřit a experimentovat s různými drogami. Přinášeli mi úlevu od reality přestože mi často po nich nebylo dobře. Neodradilo mě to od opětovné konzumace.

 

Můj život se oddělil od toho v rodině. Více jsem začala vyhledávat život mimo ni. V běžném životě mi to ale zatím nepřinášelo větší těžkosti. Jen jsem přestala chodit závodně sportovat. Po základní škole jsem se dokonce dostala na prestižní gymnázium. Tam jsem ale již přestala zvládat a začaly mě drogy již injekčně užívaný heroin omezovat ve fungování a plnění povinností. První ročník jsem sice s velkými problémy, ale dokončila jsem ho. O prázdninách po prváku se na mě nalepil čtyřicetiletý chlap, který mě nakonec dostal poprvé do blázince na protidrogovou léčbu. Po jejím absolvování jsem začala pravidelně utíkat z domova a po třech měsících jsem se octla v Bohnicích znova. Z druhé léčby jsem se stěhovala pod most a ihned spadla do závislosti na injekčním užívání heroinu. Hodně jsem se nechávala využívat lidmi než jsem se otrkala a zvykla si na to jak to chodí na ulici. Staral se o mě jeden člověk, v té době přítel se kterým jsem vydržela asi půl roku. Oba jsme brali heroin. Nějaký čas jsme měli dokonce i podnájem.

 

Pak to jelo jak na tobogánu: střídali se partneři, místa na kterých jsem bydlela, zůstal jediný herák. Ten se mě věrně držel. Jen pár chvil bylo bez něj. V jedné  takové chvíli sem poznala Petra. Vydrželo to rok než ho zavřeli. Já jsem se vrátila k rodičům a poprvé začala chodit poprvé na methadon. Jelikož studium jsem pouze přerušila, mohla jsem se vrátit i do školy. Myslela jsem si naivně, že zlé období je za mnou a já budu moct žít normální život.

 

To jsem se ale silně přepočítala. Po roce chození do školy jsem si pořídila štěně německého ovčáka - křížence, čubinku Sáru. Nastal ale problém - nemohla jsem si ji vzít k rodičům domů. Už jsem byla smířená s tím, že budu bydlet na ulici a vše se vrátí do starých kolejí.  Na poslední chvíli jsem si našla podnájem. Moc jsem ale situaci nezvládala. Neuměla jsem samostatně žít. Vůbec jsem nějak neuměla žít a teď mi dochází že to neumím dodnes. Je těžký se smířit s tím že člověk nic neumí a často neumí ani žít v nějaké společnosti lidí. Musela jsem tedy chodit do školy, starat se o psa a zároveň vydělávat peníze. Rychle  jsem hubla.

 

Nakonec padlo rozhodnutí - pro Sáru jsem našla hlídání a já šla na dva měsíce do blázince na detox. Z něho ale na ulici, než jsem se vrátila do podnájmu  a znova drogy. Vrátil se na půl roku Petr, ale dělal blbosti, takže jsme se mockrát neviděli.

 

Pak se loni 19.12. stalo, že mi umřela Sára a mě se zhroutil svět. Přestala jsem chodit na methadon, rozešla se s Petrem a začala dělat jednu blbost za druhou. Neviděla jsem ve svém životě žádný smysl. Trvalo dlouho než jsem se vzpamatovala. Zjistila jsem že nemůžu být bez Petra. Sehnala jsem ho a dali jsme se dohromady. Jezdila jsem za nim do Bohnic, kde byl na soudní léčbě. Když ho pak pustili, vydržel měsíc venku a šel na Pankrác, pak hned na Bytíz.  Záhy na to mě vystěhovali z bytu. Lepila se na mě smůla.

 

Musela jsem něco dělat, tak jsem začala pracovat jako externí pracovník. Díky programu jsem se začala dávat kupy. Kamarádka mě vzala bydlet a dělat do letního kina. Když skončilo, bydlely jme tam spolu dál. Taky mi dala psa. Štěně Německého ovčáka. Jmenuje se Brit. I ten mi pomohl jít do sebe.

 

Teď mám pro co žít. Chybí mi ale Petr a taky nějaký domov. Mít se kam vracet. Klidně nějaký karavanní přívěs. Ráda bych si pronajala malou chatičku se zahrádkou. To bych byla už opravdu šťastná. Kdyby byl někdo, kdo by mi pomohl.

 

A to je malá část z mého životního příběhu. Zbytek je nudný, nebo o něm nechci mluvit a vůbec na něm myslet.

 

Radka

Externí terénní programy o.s. SANANIM

Komentáře

 

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